Something interesting happened on Craigslist today. A young woman came in who was panicking about being newly pregnant, and her boyfriend is not being supportive. She asked several questions, and got a variety of responses from regular posters there.
Then, out of nowhere, a new poster came in with this,
If you are interested in visiting with some women who have placed a child for adoption or with some young adults who were reared by their adoptive parents, give me a call. I work for an adoption agency and adoption works well for many people. My name is Bob. Visit our website and then give me a call. The number is on the website: http://christianhomes.com/How interesting that Bob works for an adoption agency that calls itself "Christian Homes" because what Bob is doing is not very Christian at all. Jesus was born to an unmarried mother, in case that fact escaped Bob's notice. The Disciples were very clear about how men should care for the children of their household....in fact, in the Bible that Bob and other Christians profess to follow, 1 Timothy 5:8 says,
But if any provide not for his own, and specially for those of his own house, he has denied the faith, and is worse than an infidel.Why is the redistribution of children the Christian thing to do? Why is it more Christian to take a child away from a mother who is temporarily in financial straits rather than helping her to overcome the straits, or give her a helping hand until she gets on her feet.
I believe that Jesus said, "Suffer the little children to come unto me!" I don't think that he meant by that that the Christians like Bob should "Get them to the adoption agency and take them from their mothers to give to more wealthy Christian folks". I frankly think that Jesus would be appalled at the continued exploitation of women and others who are more vulnerable.
I see the entire country in a lather because the Muslims wish to build a Mosque near Ground Zero which they can do because this, the Freedom to worship as you believe, is also guaranteed in the First Amendament. That particular freedom isn't limited to Christians, but is shared by all Americans, even the Muslims are guaranteed that right, too.
And, the other day I read that one in five Americans actually believes that Barack Obama, President of the United States of America and Commander in Chief of the United States Armed Forces is a Muslim...ONE IN FIVE!!! This is the kind of thing that Glenn Beck, Sarah Palin, Rush Limbaugh and others used to whip their constituants into a frenzy of hatred with statements like this expressed in veiled innuendo and glib soundbytes.
Our great nation was NOT founded on lies, like the lies that forced and keep adoption records sealed from those they impact. It was not based on hatred and contempt for those less fortunate. Christianity is not based on judgements of others, wealth, entitlement and the sense that if a GOOD Christian wants something, all they have to do is be able to pay for it. In fact, quite the contrary, there is that thing in Matthew about the camel and the eye of the needle thing. Further, Jesus didn't destroy the Moneychangers and those who sold doves and throw them from the temple because they were his favorites! They angered him! He was in a fury! He hated what they were doing to his temple, his holy places.
27 comments:
Can I weep now? Why is this sort of solicitation allowed? Is it not illegal? I think we should run "Bob" down and teach him about real Christianity, and that the milk of human kindness for him and others of his ilk has run out. Jesus would indeed weep~
I would love to do that, Mary. The use of Social Network sites like CL, FB, YA and MySpace to locate infants for adoption is a new low, I think. I read an article about it not long ago, where places like Bethany Christian was encouraging PAPs to do this, and now, evidently, it is so commonplace that the agencies don't even try to hide it like they used to when they would post as Happy Beemommie, or Adoptees who were just thrilled to have been used so sorely to make agencies richer and PAPs into adopters.
This is beyond Contemptible! It should be illegal. How is this NOT coercive?
I've been reading your blog. I am wondering if you are intentionally generalizing all adoptions or is it just because you are using this blog as a place to list your personal feelings on your own personal experience?
Do you really believe all adoptive parents and adoption agencies are ripping children from their unwilling mothers? Do you really believe there is not a time when adoption would benefit the child? Do you really believe in every situation the mother can provide a stable life for her child?
I know there are adoptions that were corrupt and mothers who were coerced into giving up their children. But not all adoptions are wrong. Saying they all are makes people want to stop listening to you.
Excellent post, Sandy. And to the commenter, if there were no market for children and people put their money and efforts into helping young mothers and preparing them for motherhood, there would be no need for adoption. These people are self-righteous, self-entitled social engineers and I don't care who hears me say it.
Oh, and anon...I say the same thing and get more followers and hits every day. If we are making people not want to read, why are you reading?
""Saying they all are makes people want to stop listening to you.""
Well evidently what Sandy has to say..has not stopped you from reading/listening, now has it? Your statement implies that you know what 'people' want to listen to or not listen to. You know this how? I believe this is just your very own opinion, based on your very own experience in Adoption Land, whatever that may be. We all have our own opinions and beliefs..some based on actual personal experience, some based on factual research and still again for some what they choose to believe no matter their experience, no matter that they have not done any research whatsoever on the particular subject.
A blog, is a blog, is a blog...and the blog-owner chooses what they choose to write about...just like political blogs.
I am a Dem, sometimes I read at Repub sites sometimes I don't, because I don't share the majority of their ideologies, their so-called 'morals and values', so on and so forth. I doubt that political blogs change their beliefs so as to entice lovingly across the aisle..making exceptions, pandering to the other side of the aisle, in the hopes that they will 'listen' and approve of them.
I so believe in the Courage of Conviction!
I say Thanks to the Blog-Owners who write their own truth, how they truly believe, no matter if I agree or not, rather than just sugar-coating their words to get more hits to their blogs...no matter the subject matter.
Plenty of adopters out their with their own blogs...maybe that is what you would like to 'listen' to?? Your choice where you read or don't, on the internet.
The anonymous people always seem to whine/complain or write as if offended...why is that?
"Generalizing all adoptions"
Uh, where did I say all adoptions? I did NO generalizing, and, since this is MY blog, of course it is my opinion! HELLO! That's what a blog IS!
This blog, being my opinion, is not about whether or not there are times when adoption is beneficial for a child, which, btw, I do NOT. This one in particular was about ONE man, Bob, an adoption agency worker, who tracked down a live one on Craigslist, a practice that is encouraged by 'respectable' agencies, like Bethany Christian.
As my friends have already told you, if you don't like what you read, then you have the option of not reading. But, since it is MY blog, you wil continue to see MY opinions stated here. That is MY right to exercise (First Amendment, Freedom of Speech also protects ME as well!) and I will.
I am adopted by Jesus. Pretty nice precedent for adoption.
How very nice for you, Anon. Did He get a copy of your natural parent's information before the records were sealed?
OMG...another Jesus adoptee. Someone does not know their Bible very well or they are pretty free and easy with the interpretations. How smug and arrogant you sound, Anon. Makes people not want to listen to you.
""I am adopted by Jesus. Pretty nice precedent for adoption.""
One enormous UGH!! Did your Jesus sign an adoption decree? Did your Jesus change your name, hide from you your original identity, your heritage, your ancestry? Did your Jesus pay several thousand dollars to the church of your choice, to bring you into your 'forever family'? If your Jesus did the aforementioned things...then that is not the same Jesus I learned about when I was a child.
Is just incredible the lengths that many 'Christian' people will go to, to justify the unjustifiable. Ugh, ugh, ugh!
This post is not saying all adoptions are evil and non beneficial to people.
Sadly the adoptions that might be beneficial are the ones not happening. The genuine cases where children are removed from homes that are dangerous to them result in hundreds of thousands of children waiting to be adopted.
People want new born babies, they want to pretend they are their own children.
I want to read this blog.
There's plenty of blogs that are pro adoption. The happy la la la Jesus told me to adopt or the oh I'm so overjoyed I gave my baby to those lovely people blogs.
I want to read THIS BLOG. It validates me and makes me feel less alone.
This blog and Motherhood Deleted are sane safe houses of words for my eyes.
Please Anonymous go and read the other blogs if you wish to but I want to read HERE.
THANK GOD FOR THESE BLOGS!
THANK YOU Sandy.
I would never want to be adopted by Jesus? How much money does Jesus have? He would emabarrass me showing up at my school looking like an old hippie.
Besides, a single father adopting a female? That is just weird if you ask me.
Does Jesus even have a swimming pool? What an absurd suggestion, you know I don't believe you were adopted by Jesus, some homeless guy is not going to pass a homestudy, or afford the fees. What is he going to do "preform miracles" as barter. That would be awkward.
I think you are just telling tall tales to sound like a big-shot. Don't you want to ask God why he made you available for adoption in the first place.
I know a born again Christian who eats a lot of pot brownies, is your name Christy?
KimKim,
Thanks for that! I am so glad to hear that you think what I write has value. It is good to know that others find it so. I really appreciate it.
Joy,
Just....LOLOLOL!!!
You probably should seek counseling rather than trying to make people feel ashamed about adoption. I'm sorry you had a bad experience but there are a lot of people out there whose lives are blessed tremendously by adoption.
Geez, Jesus does not adopt. If you consider it adoption, it is a choice made by adults. It is not the adoption that is defined in the United States. His love is open and welcoming. His love is about truthfulness, honesty, and openness. It is not adoption in this country. As a very devout Christian, I do not consider Christ's love for us adoption. People need to quit with that crap. I believe that I and everyone is a child of God. Always have been even when I refused to believe in him. UGHHHHHHHHHHHH. People grow up.
You probably should seek counseling rather than trying to make people feel ashamed about adoption.
I think you are the one who feels ashamed, if you had no issues with adoption then you wouldn't be reading this blog anonymous.
Counselling is a waste of time, writing blogs is of more benefit. Keep on writing Sandy.
Not going to be patronising and suggest you get counselling yourself anonymous, I don't need to be nasty today, as you yourself well know, being patronising doesn't help does it?
God is not into adoption, reather he is in to being born again through water and the spirit. It's an informed choice made by an adult. Adoption is anything but that-
Reading a blog does not equate to agreeing with all or most of it.Readers are not all followers. I disagree more often than not with this blog and Robin's, particularly with the general "all adoption/adopters are bad stance, which IS the logical conclusion of being anti-adoption.
I keep reading it to see what the anti-adoption forces are saying, not as an endorsement of all their views. Sometimes I even agree with a particular entry.
The idea of being "adopted by Jesus" is bizarre. Agreeing with whoever said Jesus would not pass the homestudy; long-haired single homeless guy who hangs out with 12 drinking buddies all the time!
Maryanne,
I don't think that anyone DID suggest that reading here is agreeing. What I said was that what will be read here is MY Opinion, since it is MY blog. That's all. Others opinions are allowed here, at my pleasure, since it is not a forum. As long as they are polite, I will allow them.
You can form whatever opinions you like from my blog, and I am sure, from Robin's. However, you err whit the assumption that you stated, "the general "all adoption/adopters are bad stance, which IS the logical conclusion of being anti-adoption".
For the record, I am opposed to forced adoption, or adoption as a first choice. I am all for women having the right to choose, from many options, including adoption. I am opposed to the willynilly exchange of family for money, the automatic assumption that adopters are superior, or the exploitation of other populations, nation, or women, with the emphasis on "other".
I am also opposed to categorizing others as anti-adoption. That suggest that anyone who isn't is pro-adoption. That either/or attitude simply doesn't work. I often find that I agree with what you say, in fact, as well as others. I have resisted the urge to call YOU names or categorize you by a few things I read of yours. Going by things you wrote in the early days, one would have thought you pretty radical, but, obviously, time changes people, and perspectives evolve. Mine has, and obviously yours has too.
To slap an anti-adoption label on someone so that you can dismiss what they write is pretty close-minded and dismissive, and....really, just rude.
Smacks a bit of Mirah Riben's tactics, to me. I have never categorized all adopters as evil or bad. But I do know that if we did not have people coveting the infants of other women, we would not have the Industry and we would not have a lot of young women brainwashed by the PR into thinking that it is a good choice. It seems to me that the responsible thing to do if you conceive a child is to raise that child. So call me what you will. The slams are not going to bother me...I usually just delete the buggers. Being called anti-adoption is no insult unless people twist it, as the Industry does, to discredit what we say. If my blog gets read, by those that are pro and those that are anti, then what I have to say is being heard. I'm not complaining.
"You probably should seek counseling rather than trying to make people feel ashamed about adoption. I'm sorry you had a bad experience but there are a lot of people out there whose lives are blessed tremendously by adoption."
Anon, if adoption is so right, then why would anyone be swayed by what we write to the point of feeling guilty about it? There is obviously some wiggle room for doubt in the minds of some if our words are that powerful. Anyone who feels they have done the right thing, shouldn't feel guilty regardless of what anyone else thinks. Get my drift?
Sandy wrote:For the record, I am opposed to forced adoption, or adoption as a first choice. I am all for women having the right to choose, from many options, including adoption. I am opposed to the willynilly exchange of family for money, the automatic assumption that adopters are superior, or the exploitation of other populations, nation, or women, with the emphasis on "other".
I totally agree. I did not think you would take being called anti-adoption as an insult since both you and Robin have in the past said your are "proudly anti-adoption." See Robin's recent blog declaring ALL adopters "demons in adoption".
Yes, my views were once much closer to yours and have changed over the years. I do not deny that and it is easy to document. If your views have moved away from being proudly anti adoption I applaud that and apologize. I am not Mirah, if I am wrong I admit it.
Maryanne,
I don't like to label people. It seems to me that the only reason for labeling someone is to make them "other" so that they can then be ridiculed and their message then be dismissed as meaningless.
I am anti adoption only as in opposition to being pro adoption. I am opposed to all the things I wrote, but I am a realist and understand that things happen and adoption will likely always be.
However, by your measure, if I am Anti, again, does that not make you Pro adoption, automatically? If we use an either/or yardstick, we can only be one or the other. There is no room in that for shades of grey, and I believe that most of us fall squarely in the shades of grey area.
You don't often hear the ones of us that you call anti adoption throwing around the labels. And, we learn from what others say. I have learned a lot from your writings, from Mirah's writing, Jane, Lorraine and from others, including Carol Anderson.
I have no interest in reforming adoption today. It is a choice today. I don't understand the women who have choices that we did not have, and still can be enticed into surrender. Iknow it happens, but I just don't understand it.
The industry morphs it seems almost on a daily basis. I cannot keep up. And, with the limited time I have left, picking my battles, I chose to work for MY generation of mothers, those who are now being contacted by very angry adopted adults. They are fearful, timid and ashamed even now. I want them to know that it wasn't their fault. They can quit beating themselves up! They can quit hiding in shame. It wasn't their fault. That is the kind of justice and equity I wish for for the mothers of the BSE. And, since it is MY time, I can pick and choose, and see no reason why what I choose should be upsetting to anyone else.
I agree that the real views of most of us fall into a grey area, but those of you and Robin seem much further towards one side than mine, and both of you have at times labeled yourselves as proudly anti adoption. I see that a defensible stance, albeit one with which I do not agree. I did not "label" you with a term you have have not used for yourself.
Am I pro-adoption? I do not think it should be abolished, and I do not think family preservation is always the best outcome for a child. However, I would not promote adoption as the best choice for most mothers in crisis; rather as a default when other options are not suitable. I think adoption works for some people, but it is corrupt in many instances and in dire need of reform. I think many adoptions are still coerced and not necessary. Adoption is not monolithic, it is as complicated and varied as the human beings involved in it, neither an all-good fairytale as those really promoting adoption would have it, nor a universal horror story.
I respect your choice to work for your own agenda involving only mothers of the baby scoop era. As one of those mothers, it is not an agenda that interests me, but I find nothing wrong with you and others pursuing it. We do agree on many things. I am not your enemy, just someone with another viewpoint.
"i was adopted by jesus"
uh, probly my own adoptive parents wrote that it, themselves, yyup, they always walk around at church, and other bible thumping places, saying:
"maybe that baby or child needs to be adopted..."
according to THEM, "god" is always telling them and leading them to take other mothers babies...
...and it gets better, barf, um sometimes they talk about how , if they take a mothers baby, eventually down the road, she will "come to know the lord.." yup thats another way they rationalize stealing other mothers babies...obviously, deep down, THEY CANNOT SLEEP AND LIVE WITH THEMSELVES!!!!!!
Anon-
Yes, I have heard those same things from Christians. Makes you wonder how come no one questions someone who hears voiced in their heads, even God. I had heard that was a sign of mental illnesss!
As to the "knowing" Jesus and coming to the Lord, the thing I have found with mothers is that often they find it difficult to accept a God that cost them their firstborn. What it seems to spark more than anything is a disdain for the people who profess to speak on God's behalf, finding them suspect like the people who speak on behalf of the mothers of loss and adoptees.
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