Mother and Child Reunion

There was an article that came up on my Google Alerts the other day that I found especially interesting.  The article itself was quite short,

Wash. Woman Accused of Sex with Adult Son


SEATTLE — A woman in Washington state accused of having sex with an adult son she had given up for adoption as a baby has been charged with incest.

The 33-year-old man told a sheriff's detective in May that he had a two-year sexual relationship with the woman beginning in 2004 after he tracked her down through an adoption agency.

The Seattle Times reports the incest charge was filed earlier this month against the 54-year-old Kirkland woman in King County Superior Court.

The woman was briefly jailed on Tuesday, then released. If convicted, she could face a year in prison and be required to register as a sex offender.

Information from: The Seattle Times, http://www.seattletimes.com

Copyright © 2010 The Associated Press. All rights reserved.

I read the article expecting to get more information about the woman who was arrested for having sex with her 14 year old son surrendered for adoption that was in the news a few weeks ago, that caused such a stir on Facebooks. However, this one was different.  This was about 2 adults having what apparently was consensual sex. 

There has been an upswing in the number of articles lately about social networking being used by adoptees and natural parents to locate their missing relatives. I think that the adopters are beginning to panic when they discover that the children they adopted are finding their families, despite their best efforts to minimize the possibility. That gives me hope that baby Evelyn will find out the truth of her and her mother, Stephanie Bennett's story before she turns 18.  Social media has been a boon for searching adults and, now apparently children, too.  It speaks strongly to the desire to know and the compelling call of blood and kin.  People want to know their people.

But, this story is about the need to know, the desire to connect, run amok, Genetic Sexual Attraction or GSA.  While it has been a recognized phenomenon in the Adoption Community for many years, there is very little discussion about it outside and, since adoption is not high on the public mind, except to get the baby to market, there has been little research into it.  One notable exception has been Barb Gonyo, a leading expert on GSA and author of "I'm His Mother, But He's Not My Son", who spent more than a decade struggling with feelings for her son and runs a website, http://www.geneticsexualattraction.com/, aimed at raising awareness about the issue. 

So, when I read the article about the 54 year old woman being charged with Incest for having a sexual relationship with her 33 year old refound son, I recognized immediately that it was GSA, but found the details intriguing.  The article raised more questions for me than it answered.  I posted it as a question on Yahoo Answers, and got the usual mixed bag of responses, but few answers to my questions which I will enumerate here.....

1. Who reported this and why?  Was it the adopters? Was it the young man, in a fit of remorse for his sexual behavior?  Was  it the neighbors or the milkman...who?  And, what were they hoping to accomplish?


2. Why, when they are both adults, was she the only one charged with a crime? As the article stated that he is currently 33, the affair began when he was 27, which makes him a fully aware adult, and one would assume in command of his faculties since no one mentioned that he was disabled.  Therefore, why was the Mother the only one who was charged with what, in Washington State law is a criminal offense?  I would further wonder when was the last time this statute was enforced in Washington?  Is this common in Washington state?

3. Will this change any of the Relationship statutes in the states?

4. Will this be a deterrent to others who engage in this behavior?

And, finally, for me the biggie,

5. Why is the relationship between mother and surrendered child ONLY recognized when there is a crime involved. Under any other circumstances, the mother would likely not be recognized as his mother.

I have a goto link of Incest Laws of all the states, in a pdf format that I keep for reference and while it was recently updated, it only lists the bare bones for each state.  Washington was there, but  good friend looked up the Washington statues in more detail.  Here is what she found....

RCW 9A.64.020
Incest.

(1) A person is guilty of incest in the first degree if he engages in sexual intercourse with a person whom he knows to be related to him, either legitimately or illegitimately, as an ancestor, descendant, brother, or sister of either the whole or the half blood.

(2) A person is guilty of incest in the second degree if he engages in sexual contact with a person whom he knows to be related to him, either legitimately or illegitimately, as an ancestor, descendant, brother, or sister of either the whole or the half blood.

(3) As used in this section, "descendant" includes stepchildren and adopted children under eighteen years of age.

According to her reading of the statutes (and mine too!) the adoptee is related only to the adopters and the adoptive family during the time that the child is under the age of 18.  The act of adoption severs the bond between natural mother and other family and the child.  There is no familial connection what so ever.  The child's only familial connection is with the adoptive family.  This is symbolically and legally confirmed by the sealing of the adoption records and the issuing of a fraudulent document stating that the adoptive mother gave birth to the child.  The child is "as if born to" the adoptive family.

However, all that changes when the child reaches the age of 18.  At that time, the laws state that an adoptee is now the same as any other adult, and can now marry or have sexual relationships with every member of the adoptive family, if they choose.  The ONLY people to whom the adoptee is now related and can not engage in consensual sexual relationships with is the Natural Family, the blood relatives. 

So, in short, the law says that a child when adopted is no longer related to the natural family.  They have no legal standing with the child, and it is as if the natural family is "as if dead to" the child.  If anyone engages in sexual relations with the adoptee before their 18th birthday, they will be charged with sexual abuse of a minor.  However, as soon as that child turns 18, the biological connection is reaffirmed.  Suddenly, the connection is again valid, and the only connection recognized by law.  And the "Forever Family" no longer is bound by the legal bounds of adoption. 

I find all that to be very interesting.  I wonder what will come of all this?  I wonder if this will change the way that adoption and relationships are viewed under the law.  I wonder if this will change the absurdities of the "Forever Family" or the "As if born/dead to" fairytale myths.  I wonder if some adoptee will recognize this and use this to their advantage in some fashion to overturn the silly sealed records laws in their state.  I cannot help but believe that there is going to be more fallout from this than they have ever imagined, and I believe it will be a good thing. 

Corruption flourishes in dark and secret places and nowhere have there been more darkness and secrecy than in adoption as it is practice in the past an into today.  Lies, coercion, evasion, fraud, falsified documents, all the other things that are the cornerstones of adoption practices not only allow but encourage destructive outcomes.  This incident that we will hear more about in Washington State is one such outcome.  The lost children and mothers finding each other on Social Networking is another.  I wonder what others we will see in the future.  I am not sure  what they will be, but one thing I do know....they will happen and we will hear about them.  More and more the dysfunction and toxicity of lives built on lies will come to the attention of the media.  

I cannot but believe that the Adoption Industry will do more than any of us in the adoption community can possibly do to create its own destruction, and I will love watching it.  Popcorn anyone?  The show has already begun.