While I am thrilled with her decision and wish that more celebrities would follow her lead, I find it disturbing that her stance is so uncommon that it made the news! A couple years ago it was uncommon enough that the world was turned off by Madonna and Angelina as they toured foreign nations on baby searching missions. I remember when I boycotted all the movies made by adopters and the last one was Hugh Jackman. Now you would be hard-pressed to find a movie that WASN'T! So, I suppose that is the reason that Liza's pronouncement was so newsworthy.
Whatever the reason, Liza, a tip of the hat to you and thank you from a mother of adoption loss! I have always been a fan, but you are one of the stars who I can fully get behind and support unequivocally! Hurry and make a movie so I can support that, too.
Over on Firstmother Forum, Lorraine Dusky and Jane Edwards are talking about Benjamin Wyrembek, the father of Grayson Vaughn (not his legal name, since he has never been adopted), whose right to parent the child he fathered have been upheld in the Supreme Court of the State of Ohio, but who still hasn't got the custody of his child. There is no shortage of bad guys in this case. It is not just the natural mother who relinquished the child, born from an affair during a 'temporary hiatus from her marriage vows', who along with the legal father, her husband, arranged the adoption. Also the Vaughns, who knew within days after they took the child that his father wanted to parent him and who, along with their attorney, have kept this alive in the court for over 3 years! There is a lively conversation going on there, as the Vaughn family members and their minions post their nonsense and entitled lies on forum after forum. They even have a Facebook page.
And, a California prospective adoptive mother,Stacey Doss, and an Ohio natural father, Benjamin Mills, are in a battle for a little girl, Vanessa. Is it coincidental that the natural mother in THIS case, Andrea Conley, also lied by telling the agency that she didn't know who the father was? She did, indeed, know who the father was, and in fact, had been involved with him for the first several months of her pregnancy.
The implications of Andrea Conley's lie, the lies of deception used by the natural mother in the Grayson Vaughn case, and the desire shown by contemporary fathers to raise their children will have an impact, I believe, on all future adoptions. I don't think it a coincidence that both mothers lied about the fathers. I suspect that they were encouraged to so so by the adoption agency workers. They have done that since the EMS, either ignoring the father's rights completely or encouraging mothers to lie so as not to muddy the adoption waters and complicate the slam dunk process that adoption had always been.
Here's the bottom line....FATHERS HAVE RIGHTS, TOO! It is exciting to me today to realize that finally the father's rights are being recognized. If father's rights had been recognized during the EMS, my son would not have been adopted. When he came to get us at the home, and they had him arrested for Trespassing, he was an intruder, a nuisance, a monkey wrench thrown into the adoption machinery that was already in motion and he was dealt with as such and decidedly NOT as the father of the infant boy lying in the nursery crying for his mother....and, for his father, too.
3 comments:
Thanks, Sandy.
You and I had very different experiences with the fathers of our surrendered children. I am glad to see fathers taking more of an interest in the children they tend to conceive rather carelessly. The fathers of mine couldn't run far enough, fast enough. With the father of my oldest child, I felt betrayed and abandoned. With the father of my second, I just felt relief. In both cases I felt that I must be unworthy trash...not good enough for anyone to respect and support. Rape is pretty disrespectful. Their treatment of me influenced my self-image as much as the shaming and blaming from my parents and others did. For years, my self-esteem was in the toilet.
The thing that often bothers me is the way some of our reunited children will cozy up to the dads that didn't want them while dissing the mothers. I don't have that problem but knew a few moms who do. These adult children seem to be willing to believe the worst about their mothers and the best about some dads that don't deserve that acclaim.
I have heard it said that the greatest thing a man can do for his children is to love their mother. I think that the greatest thing he can do is RESPECT the mother of his children. Love dies and people change, but mutual respect and support can make for much better-adjusted children.
My first son's father wrote to me from Thialand during the Viet Nam war that he didn't mind packaged deals! Unfortunately 35 years later when I found our first son, (his only son), he could not swallow his pride since he was now a successful business man and humanitarian and now quite wealthy. I'll never know what he really feels about me or our son now. His legal family is the only one he recognizes and this has hurt our son so much all over again. I wish too that my first son's father was more accepting but he is not. Our son sooo needs the father's acceptance.
BUT I am very hopeful now that more dads are coming forward to claim their parental rights. This support is so helpful to gain for natural parents rights. My first son is raising his 3 sons by himself and is a very good father.
Go BDads!
Kitta here:
About 5 years ago I was asked to participate in a state legislative "paternity task force." I worked in parental rights legislation.
This was an opportunity for wronged/violated fathers to speak out and testify, but very few came forward. Most of the men who got involved were men who had been wrongly named as a father when they were proven later, by DNA tests, not to be.
I am glad to see fathers fighting for their babies. Just wish more of them would take an interest.
As long as I have worked for search/support groups and in legislation(about 21 years now) I still haven't seen very many fathers openly involved.
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