November First

November first begins the Dia de los Muertos (also known as "Day of the Dead") festivities with All Saints Day in which the deceased children are honored and remembered. November second All Souls Day is for the remembrance of the adult dead. Dia de los Muertos combines these days to celebrate the the deceased and enjoy their memories. Dia de los Muertos is not at all scary, spooky or somber. The spirits of the deceased are thought to pay a visit to their families during Dia de los Muertos and the families prepare an altar for them.



I live in San Antonio.  Tomorrow is November 1 and for all those who live in S. Texas, it is the first day of the celebration of Dia de los Muertos or the Day of the Dead and the celebration of the lost children, los ninos. 

It is also the first day of National Adoption Awareness Month.  I have often thought it an ironic choice by the industry that they chose this particular month which starts off with this homage to dead children and another day of homage to dead adults.  What could better express the feelings of the mothers as they grieve the losses of their infants because, with the loss of a child surrendered to be adopted by strangers, a portion of the mother's soul must die in order for the mother to cope.  The mother becomes, legally, "as if dead to" the child she gave birth to and the child, according to the adoption industry is then "as if born to" the new family created by the adoption agency.  

I know that there are many, many women who find this month to be almost unbearable.   There will be mentions of adoption on television, in the news,  in Google alerts, in politics, in short, adoption will be EVERYWHERE.  It is almost impossible to escape it during November.  I also find it extremely difficult, and by the end of the month, am exhausted with trying to cope. 

Mothers of SMAAC decided to make the month mean something and use it as a means to raise awareness of the loss we feel.  We wear our ribbons, write letters, educate others about the losses we experienced, the fact that our children often feel the loss as deeply as we, and remind them that for every adoption love-fest they hear of, there is a grieving mother somewhere.  We try to use our pain for positive, to make it count for something.

Tomorrow, I will join San Antonio in celebrating my dead relatives at my altar, in honoring their memory, inviting their spirits to visit us.  I will also be feeling the loss of my son, my lost infant child and his mother, the girl who lost her first born baby boy to forced surrender for adoption by strangers.  I will invite her to join me and celebrate her return, if she chooses.  I will don my ribbon and wear it with pride for each day of this terrible month.   I hate November....