Bullies, Mean Girls and Don't Ask, Don't Tell

There has been a lot in the news lately about bullying  and the upswing in suicides as a result of it.  Stars, psychologists, psychiatrists, the media including tv, radio and the newspapers have all come out with news about bullying.  This has been an issue in schools for a long time.  There have been thousands and thousands of hours, words, seminars, conferences, workshops for educators, parents, and others on how to stop this in our school children, and now it seems that it has invaded the colleges, as well. 

Of course, there has always been hazing in colleges, so-called harmless pranks, to show that you can man or woman up to show your loyalty to some group or other on campus.  For decades they have attempted to do away with hazing on the college campuses, outlawing it and making harsh punishments if it is found to be happenng.  And, yet, it continues.

Bullying is evident everywhere on the internet, too.  Go into any forum, Q&A Forum, Discussion Group, even personal blogs, like this one, and you will see the bullies here, too.  They come anonymously, and say whatever they feel and without leaving a name, disappear.  There is little concern for courtesy, for good manners, for taste and discretion.  Nope, they think it, it is out there for all to see. 

A woman visited my blog recently and posted a message accusing me of advocating that women drop babies like puppies and rely on the government to raise them, and then threw out the Kumbaya card, about "all working together to make adoption better."  I replied (on MY blog) what MY goals are, what MY mission is, what MY area of interests are, and when I asked her how she thought we could all work togethet on MY issues of interest, she curtly replied,

"Apparantly there's only one side to this issue and no room for discussion. Good to know. I'll leave you to your negativity."

Let me get this straight....  The focus I was suggesting wasn't about getting babies to market faster, or about loosening the laws, or making adoption costs less, be more binding faster, or allow prebirth surrenders to be legally binding. I said to her;

...."Since I am a EMS mother and have stated not once but a MILLION times that I am ONLY interested in working on issues that affect EMS mothers, obviously that is what you are interested in working on, in your suggestion (on MY blog), so what do you intend to do for  the millions of mothers like me? What are you doing to open the access to the original birth certificates for adoptees and for the women who gave them life? What are you doing to help young women to insure they have adequate access to birth control, options, and information to make an INFORMED and educated choice?"

I found it humorous that, on my blog, she got her knickers in a wad because I wasn't working on her issues.  LOL.  And, that if I am not going to work on her agenda, she will "leave me to my negativity".  Interesting.  If it is about HER it is legitimate, whoever she is.  If it is about US, it is negativity, no matter what.  Okay, I've got that now.

Just the other day, the Don't Ask, Don't Tell was repealed and finally it is not going to get an active duty military person booted for being gay.  From what I understand, usually everyone is aware of the sexual proclivities of the individual, even though no one is allowed to discuss it.  It is a gigantic no-issue for most young military personnel, but a huge issue for older, homophobic, lawmakers. 

State after state is making it harder and harder for adoptees and mothers to get access to their sealed records.  Even if all parties come in together to get a copy of the OBC, and unseal the records, the mother, adoptive mother and the adult adoptee are denied access citing a need for a court order to show a compelling reason for opening the records, and then are being denied.   Whose privacy are they protecting?  The parties are all there, offering their permission, offering to waive their privacy and still the secrets must be maintained.

I am troubled by the meanness in our country, and the lack of even the commonest courtesy.  It makes me uneasy that people feel free to say whatever the choose anonymously in forums and that  meanness carries over to real life.  I am sad that in our country,  it is still seen as better to keep a secret rather than to live in truth.  What is happening here?  How can this be?  Why is meanness, secrets and lies EVER seen as better than kindness, consideration and truth? 

We are ending a year and a decade very soon.  Maybe this was an anomoly of this decade, rather like Hippies pretty much died off in the 1970's, kindness and truth will be the hallmarks of the next.  I hope so...