It's a Jolly Holiday!

The day I left on my trip was the day of my great grandson's first birthday.  I knew that I wouldn't make it for his birthday, but I would be there very shortly after.  And, by arriving on Sunday, I would be there on the next day, Monday.  Normally, a Sunday, Monday visit is not standard, but this Monday was special.  It was April 18th and that is my son's birthday.  When he came to see me on Monday morning, it was the first time we shared his birthday since the day he was born, his birth day.   That is a day that almost all the mothers that I know dream of sharing with their lost children, the day that is theirs alone.  One that, no matter what, is special and unique to THEM, and no one else.  That was how I felt as I sat on the bed in the hotel next to my son as we looked at pictures and talked to my friend on the next bed. I was accutely aware of the fact that there were thousands of mothers that I had dealt with, talked to, emailed and posted to over the years on whose behalf I had to weigh every single emotion, every nuance of gesture and speech.  I had to feel this moment, I believed, on behalf of every other mother I had encountered and I did.  But, more than that, I loved every single nanosecond for ME!  I know that my son was feeling it, too. 

The next weekend was Easter Sunday.   I had intended to go to my cousin's house, since my sister had planned on going to her husband's family and my friend was doing her family/church thing. I knew that I was welcome at either, but figured that it would be good to see other family at my cousin's home.

 Then, the plans changed.  My sister's mother in law made some other plans and my sister and her husband decided to go to his sister's house for Easter....in the same city as my son.  My brother and his wife, who live in Wisconsin, were also going to be in town visiting her mother, so we made plans to meet after for coffee and dessert.  I called my son and he and his girlfriend joined us.  It was Easter Sunday, and I spent it with my son.  We spent hours and hours talking over coffee and pie, watching group after group come and go.  There was not enough time, not enough hours for me to get my fill. 

After we paid and were walking to our separate cars to go to our separate homes, my son hugged his Aunts and Uncles and gave me a hug and kiss and said, "Thank you.  I have never felt so comfortable with a group of people in my entire life.  I love you, Mom."  Those words are engraved on my mind, etched in bronze on my memory banks. 

He was right, too.  The conversation flowed as any family meeting with shared stories, love, laughter and conversation.  There was an ease and a familiarity that comes from folks who are comfortable in one another's presence and genuinely like one another.  It was obvious that he was with his kin, because he sat next to my brother, his uncle, and it was like looking at an age progression.  They even have the same beards!

The most special thing about it all was that not only was it a day with my son, but a HOLIDAY with my son!  It is really sort of sad that adoption causes the kind of disruptions that a mother is so accutely aware of the significance of every single moment, but there it is.  I am, I was, and so was he.  I could see it in his eyes.  He was home with us, with me and mine.  He was at ease in a way I don't know if he has ever felt before.  And, I was at ease with him, as was the rest of my family.

Due to problems with the train (another post!) I left to go home on Saturday before Mother's Day.  My children have pointed out to me (usually when they didn't get me a card ) that Mother's Day is a Hallmark Holiday, created by the greeting card industry so that they could increase business.  I don't care.  I am a mother and I love Mother's Day.  It is special....to me.  Usually they didn't forget the card or call the next year....lol.   However, never, ever had I gotten a call from my lost son on Mother's Day, or a card or anything.  I understood that it would be a tough thing for him to do on that day in particular. 

However, I underestimated the power of this visit, I think.  This year, I got the call, got the text messages and I got a silly little naughty jingle thanking Mom for having sex!  I have been active for years in forums and on groups and message boards related to adoption.  I have been in conversations with people, usually adopters, who have become increasingly frustrated and angry with me for quietly stating my truth.  Ultimately and predictably, their parting thrust when they have reached their maximum frustration is almost an inevitable, "Well, you chose to spread your legs!" or have sex.  And, here, my son, my beloved first born was thanking me for something that led to his conception and birth!  I know he felt a little naughty sending it, but the irony of the situation did not escape my notice!

I am now able to state that this year I shared his birthday, his Easter and Mother's Day wishes with my son.  It was good!  It was wonderful!  It was magical and i will never, ever forget it!