WHERE'S THE OUTRAGE?!!?

I spent this morning listening to the Table Speeches of the Australian Inquiry into Forced Adoption in AUS.  To say that it was moving would be a masterpiece of understatement, since I spent most of the hour I listened to them with tears streaming down my face. 

After spending the bulk of the past few months listening to the Republican Party amp up their War on Women, hearing the Aussies figuring out the most expeditious way possible to APOLOGIZE to Australian women for forcing them to surrender their children, a practice that began in the United States and was taught to the Australian Social Workers by American women Social Workers, and how to grant them reparations and what reparations are appropriate, how to get them counseling, reunite families, open the records completely so that the legalized lies in them will be shown the light of day, pointed out in glaring detail the differences between our countries, and the United States did NOT show well in comparison. 

I heard Rush Limbaugh's outrageous comments about the brave young woman, Sandra Fluke, a Georgetown Law student,  who put herself and her privacy on the line in order to speak out on behalf of herself and her peers and they seemed like something out of another era, when women who wore short skirts were "asking for it" when they got raped, and their rapists could simply get three or four of his buddies to say that they had slept with her to show that she was a "round-heel" who deserved what she got.   It also further highlighted the glaring  differences between a nation that spent 18 months conducting a formal inquiry into past adoption practices, and how they can make an attempt to correct some of the mistakes of their past, in adoption, to mothers, fathers, children of past adoption and the punitive, shame-based agenda for women that the current crew of Republican candidates for President of the United States and the United States Congress appear to espouse.

Then, I received my email newsletter from Ethica, the organization whose banner states that they are
"An independent voice for ethical adoption".  In this newsletter are the following articles:

• Utah: Bill clarifies fathers’ requirements if they are told about adoption plans
• Russia: USDOS Adoption Notice – Regional Suspensions on Adoption Processing in Russia
• Ohio investigates adoption agency amid rape case
• Cashing in on Nepal’s youth

 These are all important, all critical areas of investigation, but there is NOTHING about the news from AUS. What issue is MORE about adoption ethics?  What is a clearer example of adoptons gone wrong when ethics are NOT a part of the equation than the mistreatment of mothers to take their babies from them to be adopted by hook or by crook...heavy emphasis on the crook!

I thought, okay, this is for current adoptions, for adopters who are seeking to adopt in the most ethical way possible. While there can be little more out of line with their professed mission than forced adoptions, I can see that it may not be their top priority issue, so I went to some sites that profess to be mother-friendly, like CUB, which professes a newer and stronger interest in "moving forward by looking back" with their Cub History Project (CHIP).  What could be more a part of the history of the practice of adoption in the United States than the fact that one of the nations that WE TRAINED TO DO ADOPTION IN OUR IMAGE was apologizing and offering redress for the self-same procedures that were and ARE de rigeur in this country, but nothing. 

Okay, I thought, CUB is an old and established and maybe not cutting edge organization.  I will try one that is more au courant, more new, more edgy.... to Origins-USA...surely Origins-USA would make mention of the momentous events in Australia.  Certainly, the history of the organization, despite unpleasantness and upheaval in the past, would honor the work done by Australian Mother/Activists like the late Dian Wellfare, Lily Arthur and Evelyn Robinson.  Nothing....not a single syllable to address this issue. 

 ABC News in the United States  did a prime time piece on the issue in AUS.  Nothing is more mainstream, more daily, less controversial than ABC News, and yet they gave it airtime.  BUT, IT IS NOT EVEN MENTIONED IN NOT FOR PROFIT, 501(c)3 ORGANIZATIONS THAT STATE AS THEIR MISSION TO EXPOSE THE TRUTH, OVERTURN THE LIES, AND WORK FOR ETHICS IN ADOPTION?

As  philosopher, essayist, poet, and novelist George Santayana is famously quoted as saying, ""Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it."  How can anyone "remember" the Baby Scoop Era if those who lived it continue to deny it ever happened, or that if it did it has no importance to mothers today.

Even the organizations like Bastard Nation, who have been screaming since their inception for unfettered access to their original birth certificates should be taking notice of the recommendations.  Recommendations 13-20 of Reflections on the Tabling of the Senate Committee Report on Former ForcedAdoption Policies and Practices in the Australian Senate on 29 February 2012  are to fully open all the records, to all the parties to adoption, finally allowing the light of day to these heinous, secretive, shameful proceedings.  But, when I go to their website, nary a whisper.  Isn't this exactly what they wish for?  Isn't this their stated goal?  Isn't this the ultimate aim for all Bastards in the United States, this unfettered access to their records?  If it is, then this is the perfect time to align themselves with mothers to make all Americans aware.  But, no. 

In an earlier post, I went into some depth about Carole Anderson's views on the necessity of adoptees and mothers working together on opening records.  She said,

"... Only by working hand in hand with (birth)parents can openness be achieved on a large scale, because the myths that now bar openness will persist unless courts gain a true understanding of (birth)parents interests and needs, both at the time of surrender and later in life.

It is solely by working together that adoptees and birth parents can demonstrate that neither sought nor chose secrecy; that both need and want the reality openness alone can provide; that surrender is the result of loving parent's lack of resources (emotional, financial or otherwise), not a lack of caring couples with a desire for secrecy...that birth parents are not different and inferior beings from whom their children must be protected, nor are the frightened, incompetent people whose lives will be destroyed by meeting their children again."

Where is the outrage?  Why is NO ONE out in the streets or contacting their legislators, or calling the media?  Why are there no politicians or activists listening to the rumblings coming from down under?  Are women and children of no value other than what they or the products of their raided wombs can bring on the open market?    They have proven these things can be done in Australia.  Why can't it be done here? Or, are we really so far gone that Rush Limbaugh and his ilk really are returning us to those hideous days when women were lined up like cattle to have their babies wrested from them for sale to the highest bidder.  And, if so, who but a few of us care....

Secrets and Lies

In 1964, my church hired a very active young man as Youth Minister. He was a family man, had a nice young wife and several small children. He was very active with the young people of the church and organized a Youth Choir that was wildly popular with the kids. The Youth Ministry became quite active, quite popular with the children of the church and also with their parents. Suddenly, however, in 1970, he quit. The official reason was that he had decided to return to music school in a nearby state, however, my mother told me that the real reason was that he was caught molesting the youth in his ministry. Instead of prosecuting him for the crime of Sexual Abuse against their children, in their infinite wisdom, the church leaders decided to let him leave the church, save face for himself and his family, and take his problem someplace else. Keep it secret, don't tell anyone and send it on to someone else....the guiding principle of the BSE. A conspiracy of silence existed to protect this man, his crimes and the sick perversions that he exercised against the youth of our church.

My mother, like much of her generation, was firmly entrenched in the SECRET-KEEPER mentality. I hated it. It had caused me to lose my son ("what will the neighbors say?"..."your sisters will ask questions"), and now it seemed that it would permit this predator who used his position of trust to prey upon youngsters for his sexual gratification to get away unpunished, and much like the mothers of the BSE, leave the victims to learn to cope with their experiences....or not.

When my mother told me about this stunning lack of conscience and integrity of my church leaders, I was horrified, but not surprised. I told her that all they had done was bump it uphill, make it someone else's problem, and that any child who was molested after their lack of action was on their heads.   

I was reminded of this event in my church when the Pedophile Priest scandals broke. I was reminded again and more forcefully when the recent scandals broke out in the college sport programs. One cannot help but wonder if there would have been the same level of outrage if the abuse occurred in the Drama or Music Depts. But, these were very popular programs, winning coaches and brought money into the schools. The same could be said, on a much smaller scale, about the Youth Ministry at my church in the 1960's. So, the people in charge decided to look the other way, maintain a secret that damaged many people to avoid a scandal and to save face and keep the money rolling in. I called the church today to check the dates and make sure that my recollection of his name was correct, and found that the files indicate that he quit the church to return to school and resume his studies in music, so the lies and secrets continue.  It seems unwed pregnancy wasn't the only secrets that were being kept back then!

Anyone who hasn't heard about the mess at Penn State, involving Jerry Sandusky, Joe Paterno has to be living in a vacuum. Now there is another similar but more recent case at Syracuse, where Basketball Coach, Bernie Fine was fired after evidence surfaced of his abuse of at least three students.  His wife was recorded by one of the accusers, stating:

I know everything that went on with him. Bernie has issues, maybe that he's not aware of, but he has issues. And you trusted somebody you shouldn't have trusted.

Now, it seems that the police in Syracuse were aware of these allegations and actually had copies of those tapes for almost a decade.....but did nothing with them. The allegations of abuse had been made in Syracuse, as at Penn State, but a conspiracy of silence, a look-the-other-way attitude, allowed it to continue.

As recently as last Christmas, in his annual Christmas Address, the worst outrage the Pope could muster regarding the continuing scandal of abuse by parish priests, and others in the Catholic Church is that it was a "humiliation" for the church. Really? Humiliation? It was a much more life-altering event for the victims, I warrant!  However, the Pope seemed to brush off the heinous nature, saying that until the 1970's that was normal!

Victims of clerical sex abuse have reacted furiously to Pope Benedict's claim yesterday that paedophilia wasn't considered an "absolute evil" as recently as the 1970s.

In his traditional Christmas address yesterday to cardinals and officials working in Rome, Pope Benedict XVI also claimed that child pornography was increasingly considered "normal" by society.

"In the 1970s, paedophilia was theorised as something fully in conformity with man and even with children," the Pope said.

 

My husband spent some time doing mold remediation. In one of the texts about mold growth there was a quote that really struck me, "Corruption flourishes in dark and secret places". There are many more kinds of corruption than simply mold growth. Secrecy and untruth are also dark places where corruption flourish. Secrets and lies are the ideal breeding ground for corrupt practices.

The cure for corruption, both in clothing, homes and in people is very clear in the Bible.  In Leviticus, the book that lists the rules for the people of God, all the rules, including dietary, cleanliness and of homes and persons, it states very simply that all corruption be dealt with in this way...clean it, expose it to light and air, and don't let it be again returned to darkness. The same cure for mold exposure that is explained in Leviticus is true for the cancerous damage caused by keeping secrets and upholding lies.

Over Thanksgiving weekend another story hit the news.  It was about the tragic death of a young man, a Drum Major in their prestigious music department, at Florida A&M University.  It was a result, they allege, of Hazing. 

The family’s lawyer announced that they will be suing the University.  The lawyers said,

We are intending to file a lawsuit to get answers" about hazing at Florida Agriculture and Mechanical University, lawyer Chris Chestnut told reporters. "We are concerned about the culture of cover-up, that hazing has been covered up at the Band FAMU for generations. So, it's time now that we expose the truth, eradicate this culture and come up with creative remedies on how to continue the excellence of FAMU's band, but without hazing.

Seems that secrets and lies claimed another victim….but the light of truth will be shone on this one .  Maybe someday we will learn….

Dia de los Madres

HAPPY HALLOWEEN

Let me begin by wishing you all a very Happy Halloween!  I love this holiday, perhaps my favorite of all.  I don't do the decorating and prep that I used to do, but I still love it, and still adore waiting for the lovely princesses and scary monsters and superheros that come to my door with their big eyes and hands out for Tricks or Treats!

I love the holiday, but there is a bittersweetness to it that makes me pause, because the next day is the kickoff to the National Adoption Awareness Month.  Jane Edwards at Firstmother Forum has a really good history of the co opting of this month by the Adoption Industry, and it is well worth the read.  You can find it here....Halloween ushers in National Adoption Awareness Month.

Since I live in S. Texas, Halloween has always had a sort of special significance, because not only is it the funnest holiday EVER, it is also the prequel to the Mexican holiday, Dia de los Muertos on Nov. 1.  That is the day to honor and remember and  celebrate our loved ones who are deceased.  Here in S. Texas, the sugar masks, the altar items are for sale on the street corner and in the malls, Dia de los Muertos items all over the place.  They are bright, colorful, playful and happy, a refreshing attitude toward deceased loved ones, I feel.
.

I have always thought it ironic that the first day of National Adoption Awareness Month is on Dia de los Muertos.  Adoption, legally, is the legal death of the child to its natural family, "as if dead to", and the legal rebirth or "as if born to" the adoptive family.  The mothers, however, are never reborn.  Adoption Surrender, many mothers will tell you, is for them the death of a part of the soul of the mothers.  It is a walling off, a sealing of the psyche, the symbolic death of the woman that the girl was intended to become.  It is a living death, of the child to the mother and the person the mother was before she gave birth.

Dia de los Muertos is important to the Hispanic people where I live in S. Texas.  The San Antonio area is a heavily Hispanic area, very rich in Hispanic traditions, some of which I have learned to appreciate and love, including this one. 

Behind each and every one of the 6 million adoptees in the United States today, there is a mother whose rights were terminated in order that the child be adopted.  Some of the mothers had little choice and their rights were terminated against their will, due to issues of poverty, neglect or abuse. But, the far greater numbers of mothers are women who signed their child's Surrender documents because their backs were against the wall  and they had no other options. 

These Mothers didn't wish to sign their children away for adoption.  They wanted to parent their children, be the ones who claimed the right as parents and changed their poopy diapers, kissed their boo boos, tucked them in at night, saw the first tooth, the first step, the first bicycle, the first date and taught them how to drive. They would have loved to send their children off for their first day of school, to their first haircut, and listened to them whisper to their friends about their first kiss.  These mothers, mothers like me, were denied this for our firstborn children.  I, like millions of other women, was deemed by our society unfit to parent, before we had ever committed a crime.  We were unfit due to the fact that we had sex outside of marriage and for that crime, that heinous act, we paid the unthinkable pr of the loss of our firstborn, never to be seen or heard from again. 

We were told to go home, forget, get on with our lives, and that someday we could have children, "of our own" that we could keep...unless we failed to sign the papers and then we would become a part of the "system" and all our other children from that time on would be suspect and removed, even in marriage.  We believed them, rightfully, because we knew that they meant business. We KNEW that we had no rights of our own, as women, except those conferred upon us by the men in our lives, our owners, our fathers and husbands. 

Much is changed now.  Women DO have rights and they have been tested in the courts.  The Civil Rights Era not only restored many rights to black Americans, but to Female Americans, too.

I propose that November 1, for mothers of adoption loss, be given a new designation in our community....the first day of November, the start of Adoption Awareness Month begin, like Adoption itself does, with the mothers.  Perhaps in future, National Adoption Awareness Month will not only end with National Strange and Mournful Day, but begin with Dia de los Madres, the forgotten, dismissed, inconvenient  and disrespected mothers.  It will be a reminder, this month and all month long to REMEMBER THE MOTHERS....LA DIA DE LOS MADRES!!

Birth Certificate Lunacy

Today, the Supreme Court of the US declined to take up an issue of the right of two gay men to both be listed on the birth certificate of their adopted child.

The US Supreme Court has declined to hear an appeal of an April ruling by the US Fifth Circuit Court of Appeals that dismissed a lawsuit brought by a gay couple seeking a proper birth certificate for the Louisiana-born child they jointly adopted in New York.

The court’s action, announced October 11 without comment, lets stand a decision by the Louisiana registrar of birth certificates, Darlene Smith, who refused to issue a new birth certificate for a child born there and legally adopted by Mickey Smith and Oren Adar at the age of five. Following instructions from the state attorney general, Smith argued Louisiana does not allow adoptions by unmarried couples and should not be required to do anything that could be construed as allowing a same-sex couple to adopt –– or have any kind of legal status at all.

To the LGBT community this, I am sure, seems like a terrible injustice that their child's birth certificate cannot be the same as every other adopted child....a LIE.  The state of LA was willing to list only one of the men, but not both.  They thought that would be more normal?  Hello!  How many children do you know that are born without a MOTHER?  Science has come a long way in the past 50 years, but not quite THAT far, I don't think.

For the adoption community, it simply points out the insanity that is the Amended Birth Certificate.  To take a Vital Public Record and remove the names of the people who actually BIRTH the child, and plug in, instead, the names of people who may not have even been on the same continent at the time of the child's birth and swear under oath that they actually did give birth to the child is among the craziness of adoption today.  A lie is a lie is a lie.

As science advances, and reproductive technology becomes more mainstream, it becomes more and more apparent what a travesty this whole thing is.  I am often reminded of my grandmother who was full of homespun wisdom that she would gladly share with us.  One of her favorites was, "Oh what a tangled web we weave, when first we practice to deceive?"  This issue with the birth certificate is a perfect example!

Since the birth certificate is a Vital Public Record, filed with the county and sent to the state and complied and then on to the feds, it should be no less important that the information be accurate for these children than for any other child born in this country.  The names on the birth certificate, as the women of SMAAC have advocated for years now, should BE the names of the mother and father who actually did give birth to the child. No secrets, no lies, the simple truth.  Then, an amendment can be added to the bottom or the back side of the birth certificate indicating that the child has been adopted and fill in the names of the adoptive parents.  With 2% of the population carrying one of these documents, the school registrars, the day care center, and the Little League would not be shocked to find out that Mr, and Mr./Mrs/Ms SoandSo did not actually give birth to the child, but adopted,  I know for a fact, having been a Registrar for many years, that there are few things that surprise a Registrar and very few of them give a damn!  They just want to get the kid in school, get them on the attendance rolls so that the school can get their stipend from the state.  That's all.

Repeal the laws that mandate the falsification of Vital Public Records and end this mockery once and for all. Healthy lives are not built on lies, lies, lies and that is what the Amended Birth Certificate is...a Legalized Lie.

Motherhood Deleted: They're There! Where's The Media?

Motherhood Deleted: They're There! Where's The Media?

2011 Adoptee Rights Demonstration, San Antonio, TX

Happy Birthday, Dad

Today, August 5, is my father's birthday.  If he were alive he would be 85 years old.  Instead he died 26 years ago, leaving my brother and sisters without parents..  Even though only my youngest sister was still at home, all of us ended up orphaned.  We miss you, Dad.  So many memories, so many thoughts on this day of birthdays in the past when you went out for ice cream with your birthday "twin", Joey, at cake, listened to us sing Happy Birthday with a gusto that, hopefully, made up for the tunelessness.

As I think of my father, I remember my grandmother telling me that one of my father's teachers told her that my father was the "nicest boy she ever taught" in school.  He was nice.  He was basically a moral, ethical and just plain nice perosn.  He had an outrageous sense of humor and we would all collapse in fits of giggles over stories he told, over he and my mother and stories about him.  He was funny, handsome, bright, nice and exciting.  I am pretty sure that it is from him that I learned to love the thrill of the unknown, the unexpected, the new, the the living on  the edge.  It was from my mother that I learned to do it with a certain amount of grace and beauty, but the thrill was from Dad.

My father was the youngest alderman in the history of the state of Illinois.  He was 20 years old when he was elected and 21 when he took office.  He hadn't learned how to play the "game" yet, however, and when his youthful zeal and enthusiasm and just plain naivete worked to his disadvantage and he was a one term alderman.  He lost his zest for politics then but not his interest.  I was born during his short-lived political "career" and don't remember it, but I know that as an infant and young child I was in Who's Who in Illinois. 

I remember when my brother was born and when all my sisters were.  I remember where we lived, my family and friends as well as my parent's friends.  I remember the different jobs my father had and even the few my mother did. I remember my childhood.  I remember my parents, my Dad, and I miss them. 

Happy Birthday, Dad.  I love you.